i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
