So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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