Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
