haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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