Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
