I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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