Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
