3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
