Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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