I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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