My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
