all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
