New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
