i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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