The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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