Just cropdusted the office
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
