Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
