he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my being single is dangerous.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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