"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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