i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
