I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
