He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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