he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
