I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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