I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
