Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
