just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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