my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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