Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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