I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
