i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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