Duck Duck Cougar?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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