i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
