wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
