I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
