so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
