i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
