Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
