I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
