i don't like sucking hair
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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