rhymes with "ouble enetration"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
