Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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