sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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