He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
