Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize