I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
