mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
