i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
