***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
