I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
