I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
