yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
