i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
