I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
