i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
How naked do you want me to be?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
