She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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