uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
