So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
