P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
