Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
