addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
