My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
