I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
