Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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