But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
