i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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