If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
