Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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