I am in a vortex of obligation.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
