In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
