A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
