as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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