i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize