Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
