Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
