I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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