I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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